Paul, my sons and I had just returned from another full April Saturday of kid’s sports. Ten years ago our lives revolved around the boys’ baseball schedules, school, playdates and a rare date-night. This particular Saturday was especially crazy, as all 3 kids had games. Combining that Crazy-All-Day schedule with the fact that it was 100 degrees in the Arizona shade, made for an extremely exhausted family.
It wasn’t long after entering the house and quickly showering that I heard the usual cry of “What’s for dinner?” Paul and I were oozing onto couch much like the container of SLIME I found in the chair cushions last week. We looked at eachother and answered in unison, “Pizza.” Our sons were immediately joyful about the announcement, and then wandered off, leaving Paul and I to make any decisions.
Paul grabbed the phone, turned to me and said, “We always get pepperoni for the boys. Let’s get something different this time. What do you want?” Little did I know that this question would literally change my life. I responded, “Anything is fine with me. Whatever you want.” But he explained that he was too tired to make a decision, and could I please just pick something. “Whatever your favorite is.” Panic arose in my throat. I was going to have to make a decision. All of the questions were flooding my brain. What DO I like? What kinds of toppings are even available now? What size should I get? Maybe we should get 2 small ones? How many toppings can you put on a pizza? And the most anxiety provoking: What if Paul doesn’t like it? I’d hate to ruin his dinner because I went rogue on the pizza order. I was immediately dumb-founded. Could it be that I, a high-achieving, whole-hearted, forty year old woman didn’t even know what kind of pizza she liked? Was this possible?
I don’t remember what we ended up ordering that night. I was too in my head to even pay attention to whatever order came out of my mouth. What became very clear to me was that I was putting my own wants, cravings, and even needs on the back-burner in order to please other people. I was deferring my desires, so that others could have what they wanted. I began exploring this subject in the rest of life. Can you guess what I discovered? Yes, I’m sure your shocked to learn that pizza was not the only area in which I would capitulate.
I noticed that on many occasions I wouldn’t share my opinion, even if asked. When volunteering at my kids’ school I would take the job that no one wanted. In fact, I would often say “Yes” to things, when in my heart I didn’t want to do them. There were also a handful of times when issues that involved my children came up, and I would just listen to the teacher or parent in agreement, not feeling confident enough to share my opinion, even though I was the expert on my kids.
I began to question the the fear that would arise inside me. I would work out the limiting beliefs that I had somehow attached to meaning that I wasn’t good enough, strong enough, smart enough….just enough. I began to trust myself. I began to understand how important my feelings are, and how exactly I want to feel (Freedom, Confident, and Creative are my favorite feelings by the way).
In the past 10 years I have learned that my opinions, my thoughts, my dreams, goals, wants, needs, desires….hell, everything about me matters. As a result my relationships are better. My marriage is better. My business is better. My family is better. Even my relationship to money is better. My whole life is better.
In my practice I have created a program called Confidence Class. This is a 1 on 1 program, where you will work directly with me to overcome your fears, get Un-Stuck in your life, and learn your self-worth! If you are searching for your greatness and don’t know where to begin, pop on over to Confidence Class, or give me a shout-out and we will figure out if life-coaching is the right fit for you!
💋💋💋 I’m going to jump off and get dinner ready. Or perhaps I’ll just order a pizza? Large sausage, mushroom and pepperoncini–TO GO!
This is completely me also! I also learned recently that I don’t like stir fry but I always ate it bc I never wanted to be too much trouble and I wanted to make things easier. It wasn’t like stir fry was disgusting so I ate it and didn’t say a word. And now I’m beginning to discover things I like and don’t like. Thank you for sharing your experience!!!! Your life coaching sessions have been so valuable!
I’m so glad!! You make it very easy. This is the life story of soooo many women (And some men too)–putting everyone else before them, they lose sight of themselves. Pass it along to anyone you think can relate! Looking forward to talking with you tomorrow, ELizabeth!