From Confusion To Clarity
When clients first come to me for coaching, 9 times out of 10 it’s because the life they’re living isn’t measuring up to the life they dreamed of. This feeling of dissatisfaction may be similar in all of them, yet it shows itself in very different ways.
My client Charles owns his own business. He’s a realtor and has been quite successful. The last 2 years Charles has had a certain monthly percentage of growth that he’s wanted to achieve. He’s doubled down on the hours he’s working and the number of leads he contacts, yet each month he misses his goal by a smidge. This year Charles set his goals to all-time highs. He’s been especially distressed at missing what he has declared to be an easy monthly target to hit.
Linda wants to meet Mr. RIght. She’s on every dating app, swiping left and right for suitors. She has been dating since her divorce 5 years ago. She’s found plenty of “Mr. Right-Nows,” and a couple of suitors worthy of relationships that lasted a month or two. However, there’s been no one that Linda has found compatible enough for the long term. She spends most of her weekend nights, and a few weekdays showing up for dates that she knows within the first 30 minutes won’t amount to anything.
Nancy is a school nurse for a high school. She loves being around the kids, and the age group is really her sweet spot. The greatest part of her day is talking and coaching the young women who come into her office. She has found that she enjoys sharing her talent for Ayurvedic and natural remedies, plus complementary modalities like yoga and meditation to calm anxiety and ease pelvic pain. Nancy has considered many options for her future, and would love to use her knowledge and talents to help a greater number of young women. She hasn’t pulled the plug, mostly because it seems like a daunting task and an impossible goal.
If What You’re Doing Isn’t Working, Stop Doing More Of It
Charles and I began working together, and I learned of his extreme efforts in trying to achieve his goals, only to come up short month after month. I listened to his story about how he’s invests all of his time into attending the right networking events; holding multiple open houses every weekend; cold calling lists of potential clients who may, or may not, be interested in selling their homes during this seller’s market. He was doing all of this at the detriment of his family, and his own physical and mental health. Charles was a little bit of a type-A personality (no shade, I too have my own control issues) so it came as a surprise when I said to him, “If what you’re doing isn’t working then stop doing more of it.”
When Linda and I spoke of her dating life she was in total despair. “My phone is filled with every dating app in existence. I don’t understand why I’m not meeting my PERSON.” I asked her a few questions, and learned that the algorithm seemed to be pulling up the same people over and over again. So when a new man registered it was every-woman-for-themselves to get onto that man’s calendar. She feels as though she is sharing, and being shared, by the same pool of people over and over again. Although I often teach that there’s comfort in routine, I found myself saying “Ewwww” aloud, followed by, “If what you’re doing isn’t working then stop doing more of it.”
Nancy is an absolute delight to work with. She is like-minded, and I always find it a joy to work with people who understand the “Practical Magic” that comes along with life coaching. So when she came to our third session all gnarled up and hissing, I knew she was beginning the work of undoing what wasn’t working. “I don’t know what I want to do with it. I know I have talents and gifts that are beyond the day-in-and-day-out of public school nursing. I love the kids, but the moments I get to share my knowledge are so few and far between. Plus, I want to learn so much more than I know now.” Nancy had come to realize that what she was doing was not working, and she stopped doing more of it.
Benefits Of Less
Charles began to stop the madness of over-working. He came to realize that the cold calling, and constant worry over his sales goals came off as graspy energy that most people struggled to be around. So he began doing LESS of it. Once he was able to see his work life from a distance, he recognized that people would rather do business with someone who operates from a place of peace and calm, and not a place of fear. He spends more time with his wife and children, and he is exceeding his sales goals.
Linda decided to cut back on the number of dating apps she subscribed to. She felt there had to be another way. She stopped doing more. I offered that perhaps finding a group of like-minded people, who are doing things she likes to do would be a valuable option. Linda, a foodie and wine lover, joined a cooking club that meets once a month. They alternate homes, divide up the cooking, and each member can bring a new person each session. Linda has also joined a group for dog owners. They meet up every weekend at various dog parks around the city. Linda has met many new and like-minded people. She has been out on a couple of dates with friends of her new-friends. She is having fun, and her stress about meeting Mr. Right has diminished because her desperation about it has vanished.
Nancy did not quit her day job, and I’m definitely not recommending that you do either. However, she did stop putting her life on hold because of it. She discovered that her passion for alternative modalities in health care could be an enormous benefit to the public school system. After speaking with administration, she held an informational assembly for parents, using her expertise to teach them some of the techniques she has learned over her years of study. We then created specific plan, that included many “turtle steps” to reach her first goal of simply learning more. Eventually she began taking courses and training programs on alternative healing.
Change can be difficult for many people, but it doesn’t have to be. Planning out your goals, using tiny, almost miniscule steps to turn your life even just 1-degree will make enormous and lasting impact. If what you’re doing is no longer working for you, it’s likely time to do less of that thing and more of something else. If the life you’re living isn’t measuring up to the life you’ve dreamed of, then it’s definitely time to create the life you want.
November 18, 2021 6pm-9:30pm
From Confusion To Clarity
Tickets Available On Eventbrite Here Come join Elizabeth from Elizabeth Smith Life Coaching for a deep dive into your soul’s work. Have you emerged, tender hearted, from your cocoon, uncertain where to fly? Has an event or loss knocked you off course? Are you uncertain of the path you want for your future, or maybe just what you want next week? Maybe you’re questioning a relationship, a life event, or your life’s purpose? Are your thoughts and beliefs not serving you? Or maybe you’re just stuck? This is the workshop for you. This is deep manifesting, but with goals and a personal plan. Let me be your guide from Confusion to Clarity.